Wednesday, March 11, 2015

♥ Lime Crime - What Do I Do Now? ♥

If you haven't been blind and living under a heavy pile of honest indie cosmetic brands, you are already well aware of the shit going down with Lime Crime (what's new tho amirite?). I have been following their deplorable business practices for years and years after reading about them on the web. I first discovered and fell in love with Doe Deere after seeing a photo of her. She had a beautiful whimsical, fairytale look that was super endearing to me - and evidently, many others. However, as someone who had zero social life and spent too much time on the internet - it didn't take long for me to find out what was beneath that glittery unicorny front. (Read about it here and here. This post will make more sense if read up on it first!)

I was also someone who was just getting really, really into makeup and the cute sparkly packaging pulled me in. I was well aware of their shady history before purchasing three of their lipsticks - but I wanted to try them myself... aaaand I just wanted to have something as cute as Lime Crime sitting in my tiny collection. After recent incidents, I'm very thankful that I am an impatient bitch and that I bought from an Australian based online store. I regretfully purchased three shades: Babette, Serpentina & Poisonberry. I loved the packaging and I loved the smell... and that was it. The quality of these lipsticks are damn awful. The worst was Babette which was so gross, I ended up giving away. The best was Serpentina but only because it was a unique metallic emerald shade. They were definitely not worth the money and while I was disappointed, I was not shocked.

The fuck is this

So that leads us to the reason for this post! What the fuck do we do with these products now!? Obviously the first thing would be to continue to use them, especially if you had bought them with your hard earned cash. However, if you do not want to support Lime Crime in any way, shape or form even if that means to stop using their products, I have some ideas for you!

♥ Decoration!
Yo dawg I heard you like trash so we put trash in yo trash

Decorate your regular trash with sparkly trash!

♥ Cat toys!

So much fun

Why spend money on cat toys when you can chuck this hard plastic at them? Cats also love burying their shit, this will give them the same pleasure but without the toxic smell!! Everyone wins.

♥ Bottle Cap!

Did you drunkenly lose the lid to your seventh bottle of half drunken cheap wine? Don't worry, just pop your Lime Crime lipstick in there! The lipstick is sure to keep your secrets wine in the bottle because it fits perfectly and it will threaten to sue if the bottle spills anything!!*

It burns

*May leave a bitter taste to your wine with an undertone of deceit and a hint narcissism

♥ Ignorance!

La la la!! I take no responsibility for my actions!

Plug those lipsticks in your ears to drown out the sound of people complaining and criticizing you, just like you would delete their comments and block them on social media! Bonus tip: shove them in your eye sockets so you are blind to the haterz.

♥ Writing!
Where is the lie? 

Use the lipsticks to write inspirational quotes on your mirror to fuel your narcissism to get you through the day of tearing other people down!! Kawaii.


Just like creating fake profiles to insult others for spreading awareness of your awful history before anything serious happens like, uh, I don't know - a security breach on your dodgy website (how dare they?), write a sweet handwritten note to them with your lipstick! Just make sure you make it very, very obvious that it is definitely not you writing it. They won't have a clue. Dumbasses.

♥ Unicorn horn!
"My own brand of foundation"

Create a unicorn horn from a lipstick by taping it carefully on your head. Call yourself the queen of these mythical beasts and photoshop the shit out of your photos. This will disguise your true form and trick people into thinking you are a glittery, whimsical creature of the forest. Everyone will be so wrapped in the world and image you created that they won't see what is really going on!!

Oh my god it's actually Ursula

Be sure to use some strong ass tape so it doesn't unravel and fuck everything up!!

♥ A Cross!

Create a cross to exorcise the success demons out of your rivals!!


♥ Camouflage!
They can't see me under the sparkles!!

Use your lipstick as camouflage to help hide from your responsibilities like buying groceries, cleaning your room, answering phone calls and oh, being CEO of your own company!!

♥ Give the products to friends!
Haha... NOPE

Just kidding!! Friends don't let friends wear Lime Crime - so repackage it and sell it to them at a higher price instead.

That'll be $40, pal
Credit card payment only

Let your friends know that it is made with 100 percent honesty!! If they start to question why the ingredient list mentions 'lies' in the fine print, immediately remove the list from your site and distract them with the thoughts of new shades and even a hair colour range! Give them release dates and fill them will false hope!! If they give you a negative review on your product and service, don't sweat it. Just release personal information and get other people to harass them for you! Who needs friends anyway?

Real talk: I'm probably enjoying Lime Crime's downfall a bit too much but it's always great to see karma kick some colourful ass. I totally understand that small (and even larger) companies fall victim to hackers all of the time but the way Lime Crime handled it is fucking disgusting. The way they completely silenced their customers (the *victims* of credit card fraud due to the lack of security on Lime Crime's site) under the guise of keeping their social media 'positive' is absolutely shameful and very fucking shady. It was a situation that could have been handled a lot better and could have been avoided to begin with. Their instagram has been set to private now but they were blocking absolutely everyone who spoke out and questioned them. They unfollowed and blocked many well known makeup artists for announcing that they are no longer supporting them (which I feel is a new bandwagon to jump on to keep followers... but that's another story). They actively went through anti-Lime Crime tags and blocked people that way, too.

The history of Lime Crime has always been pretty damn awful. While I believe in second chances, Doe Deere (aka Xenia Vorotova) has had way, way, way too many to still be fucking up this badly - but a leopard does not change it's spots... or a unicorn doesn't change it's horn? I guess. Whatever. I want to make it very clear that while I don't respect her, I *do not* condone people giving out her private information or making violent threats towards her. That is 100 percent not okay.

I don't care if you continue to use the products or if you even chose to support them (despite me side eyeing you so hard I get a migraine) but I do care if you try to question people's stance on this. Don't condescendingly ask for 'evidence' and tell anyone to 'get over it'. No. It is fact that thousands of dollars have been stolen from customers and it is fact that they are trying to palm off responsibility. It is also fact that you are an unsympathetic twat. Lies aren't being made up to further damage Lime Crime's reputation - this is information that has been around for years that is resurfacing because of this very serious incident. Just because you are only hearing it now, it doesn't mean it's false. It does mean you're ignorant, tho. Take a seat.

I'm not surprised by this current situation but I am still very angry. My heart goes out to all those affected, hopefully this situation is rectified very soon.

♥ Plot twist! I am Doe Deere

luv me or h8 me it's still an obsession xoxo

♥♥♥ Courtney


  1. Bow down to the Queen 👑 🙌💄🚫#boycottlimecrime

  2. My cat is currently playing with my 2 limecrime lipsticks. You were right, they make good cat toys! xx

  3. Not gonna lie, I laughed hard at this. There's so many other amazing indie brands out there doing it cheaper, brighter, better and without a side order of dodgy.. LC might have been some people's gateway but there's a whole world of stuff out there to discover.. :)


    You are brilliant. I am so happy to watch Lime Crime sink after all the crap that lady pulls.

    thank you thank you thank you.

    btw you are so pretty!

  5. You're hilarious! I'm so glad I found your blog!

  6. I simply adore you for this.

  7. Thank you for this, brilliant!
    ♡ Dulce

  8. omg this fucking killed me :'D

  9. hahhaha freaking love this post!!

  10. That sucks that the products were shit, but this post is absolutely hilarious! Also I love your hair/your whole look!!

  11. Awesome post!
    How about Lime Crime homemade sex toys - now you can shove them up your ass, just like they are good for!

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  13. This was way too funny! Thanks for making my day. Lol.

  14. However, if you do not want to support Lime Crime in any way, shape or form even if that means to stop using their products, I have some ideas ...

  15. Gosh! I realize I am late to the show here, but thank you for introducing me to a whole new source of internet dramas (and lulz!) Cheers!

  16. Thanks for the information. Hope devotes will be careful after reading this post.Regards

    Best Lipstick

  17. They could be butt plugs as well, just throwing that out there...just for the needle butts. Preach! I am really sickened by all this crap & so many mua's throw out their cash on it. There's a lot of brands out there just the same without all the bullshit & deception.

  18. This post was funny. Thanks for it.

  19. I just love lime crime matte velevtines (Cupid Petal Pink). I just recently bought it few weeks ago. Colors are beautiful and pigmented. Suitable for routine wear. They look great and work really well. One can also check the results of shade - Cupid Pink at this site: