I've been asked a few times to do a post on confidence so before I start, just a lil disclaimer!!! I am definitely not the most confident person on the planet but I have come extremely far from where I used to be. I think a lot of it has to do with growing up and growing out of fucks to give. If you're struggling with self esteem and confidence issues, these tipz & trix that I use may help you too! Or they may not! But I wish I could grab your cute face and remind you that you is kind, you is smart, you is important and you is a bad ass bitch.
I struggled for so super long with self esteem and confidence issues, I think it really started when I began high school which will now be 7 years ago. It feels surreal to talk about this because it's almost like I'm talking about someone else or a past life - I guess in a way it is just that. Things eventually deteriorated so much that I would resort to self harm in many forms. My grades struggled and I didn't connect with friends like I should have. I lost way too much of my youth to insecurities and self hate, which is why you see or hear me preaching self love and support to people - young girls especially. If I could have one wish it would to be the person I am now back when I was younger because I would have kicked ass so hard. However, what I went through did make me the person I am today and for that, I'm grateful.
These are just some words and things that have helped me, I totally 100 percent understand that everyone is different in different situations with different mental and emotional capabilities and we all have different ways of coping so I am not claiming that I know how to make everyone feel like rainbows because I can't!! These are my personal experiences and techniques that have helped me. I also might repeat myself, so apologies for that!
♥ The world and society and people are fucking assholes - so don't be an asshole to yourself. For me, this is super important. A lot of my own issues were made worse by me and my over active brain. Why make it even harder? You need you. You are stuck with yourself, you need to be your own best friend. As weird as this is going to sound, I think it's so empowering and liberating to be able to rely on yourself for emotional support. Pick yourself up and buy yourself a new lipstick.
♥ People's opinions only hold worth if you let it. I can remember every bad comment, word for word, said to me by friends, family and strangers from when I was younger because I cared about it too much and let it eat away at me. The only opinion on yourself and your choices that truly matters is yours and yours only. I can't stress that enough. A guy called me a pig (from the safety of his car) a few weeks ago and baby Courtney would have cried for weeks. I laughed at him and continued on with my life (what I really wanted to do was get a double bacon and cheese burger and rub it on my body, but I don't waste food, especially on scumbags). It is 100 percent up to you how you handle it. Don't let peasants have any affect on you. Chin up, crown on. You are in control. Btw, pigs are cute as heck.
♥ Fake confidence until it feels real. Y e s. This works. I did this unintentionally, I would sarcastically say how amazing and great I am. Then I started to believe it. It just grew on me, my self esteem became so much better. This is why I believe it's extremely toxic for people to keep telling themselves how 'ugly' and 'unworthy' they are (even as 'jokes'). Stop. Punch that thought right in the throat. Replace it with something uplifting. It truly does have an effect.
♥ Surround yourself with people who exude confidence and self love from their every pore. I follow tons of babes on instagram who inspire me in so many ways. Bless their hearts.
♥ Don't place your sense of self worth in someone else's hands. Your worth is not based on what another person thinks of you. You are worthy because you are you. If anyone else thinks otherwise, stick a mascara wand into their eyeball and move on with your life. Cut out anyone who makes you feel less than what you deserve. You know what? Don't even waste a mascara wand on their basic ass.
♥ Stop comparing yourself to other people. I have said this 1000 times and I will say it for as long as I have to - comparison is your self esteem's worst enemy. Do not think 'wow that girl is so beautiful, I wish I could be her because I'm disgusting and ugly'. Stop. Don't. Learn to appreciate someone else's beauty without the toxic comparison, you are only hurting yourself. Think 'wow that girl is so beautiful' and leave it there. She is beautiful! SO ARE YOU. So are they! So is he! Yay! Beautiful people party and everyone is invited. I'll drink to that.
♥ TREAT YO SELF. Treat yourself to that lipstick, that video game, that overpriced bra, that bottle of wine. Treat yourself in materialistic ways but also treat yourself to kindness. You've spent all week beating yourself up because your winged liner didn't look good, your job is making you feel inadequate, uni sucks, no one seems to care about it, you feel worthless, etc etc. Well take time to care. Breathe. It will be okay. You'll be okay. Tomorrow is a new day, wake up ready to take over the world.
♥ Wear that dress, wear that bold lipstick, colour your hair any damn colour you please, eat that cake, run that marathon, kiss that cutie, do what ever the fuck makes you happy and feel good and allows you to continue on a path to a happier, more confident you!
♥ Do whatever makes you feel beautiful but please for the love of Beysus do not forget that you are SO much more than your appearance. You are strong, caring, intelligent, amazing. You are stardust. You are magic.
♥ Don't be afraid to be ugly. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. Relax. I used to absolutely freak out when people took photos of me and I looked awful. Now when people take photos of me, I know there is a huge chance I'll look bad and so what? I know I can look good too. Bad photos aren't the end of the world and a lot of the time, they're fucking hilarious. My family have the worst photos of me and I think it's great. As weird as this sounds, once I started not caring about how I looked in photos (taken by other people, my selfies will never not be 100 percent) I started appreciating my own beauty more. I started appreciating it in a different way. It's also nice not to have a panic attack when someone won't delete a bad photo hahaha.
♥ Try not to rely on your other half, your mum, dad, best friend, sister, cousin, dog - anyone but yourself for how you feel. It's only human to crave validation from others and heck yeah, I love when other people think I'm cute and tell me, it makes my day. I don't rely on it to feel cute though. You can feel beautiful without hearing someone else say it. Touch the beautiful. Taste the beautiful. Smell the beautiful. Feel the beautiful. BE THE BEAUTIFUL (o wait u already are, haaaay).
♥ With everything you do, have the attitude of a queen. Because that is exactly what you are. Behead anyone who dare question your self appointed royal status. (And apparently when you do this, other people catch on and start calling you a queen too hahaha!)
♥ Stop caring about what other people think!! Especially if it's making you feel awful! I know it's easier said than done but once you learn how to not give a fuck about what people say, you just feel so much better. Like a giant pile of shit has just been removed from your shoulders. Because it has. Stop letting piles of shit dictate your life and feelings.
♥ I only do these things for myself because I believe self love is important, especially as someone who struggled with issues for a very long time. Even though I only do this for myself, it feels so good knowing that my attitude rubs off on other people. It's contagious - just as being negative about yourself is. Spread the love and positivity. If I ever have children and more specifically, daughters - I'm going to strive to be the most uplifting, self loving mumma ever because too many girls learn their low sense of self worth from hearing one of the most important women in their life put themselves down (just as sisters can do, too). In saying that though, never put anyone on a pedestal because they will fall. Admire and appreciate them but remember that they are human.
♥ And duh, you are human. You can and will struggle with yourself. That is 1000 percent okay. I have off days all the time, I have days where I just want to sink into the ground and disappear. I let myself feel sad because the only way is up. Even when I'm busy sitting in the corner alone at my own pity party, I try to remain even a smidge positive you know like, pity party cake still tastes pretty good too.
If I'm having a bleh day, I like to play my music super loud, sing along and dance to it. I spend ages in front of the mirror because putting on makeup for me is not only fun but also really therapeutic and keeps my mind off things. This is going to sound so dumb but I like making myself laugh (I laugh too hard at my own jokes anyway) but I just let my imagination go crazy and think of the weirdest things. Shannon's beauty group is a good distraction for myself too! I not only love helping and interacting with the awesome girls on there (and making them laugh heheeee) but it also really helps my mind calm the heck down. (Shout out to Shannon for being amazing all 'round.)
When it doubt, ask yourself - What Would Beyonce Do?
Sorry this was a bit rushed, I kind of just wanted it off my chest. I hope I didn't miss anything! So yeah those are just some thoughts and things I do and have done and will continue to do to help me with my self esteem. If you are truly struggling, please do whatever it takes to get you help - even if that includes seeing a therapist or counsellor. Do not be ashamed, do not feel bad. Look after yourself, it does get better! You deserve happiness and to love yourself. Lots of internoot hugs and kisses.
Oh and let's all take the time to appreciate my makeup today, WERK.