Tuesday, September 23, 2014

♥ Break Up Stuff ♥

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert at relationships. All of this is coming from personal experience as a 19 year old recent breakupee from my first 'real' romantic relationship. We all cope with different situations differently and what worked for me may not work for you.

I have been wanting to write about this since I first started thinking about making a blog. Too many young girls are lead to believe that they are not complete or worthy unless they have that 'better' other half. There have been a ton of concerning things I've seen through social media, so I felt the need to write about my own experience in an effort to help other young girls who may be going through something similar. I personally believe that there is way too much emphasis on finding 'the one'. You do not need another to complete you. You are already whole.

Ever since I was super young, I had always dreamed of having a high school sweetheart. I thought it was the most cute, most romantic relationship to have. I still think it is but as they say, be careful what you wish for haha! I remember he tried talking to me in class but I didn't want a bar of him so I brushed him off because I am bitch, let's be honest. We only started really talking through facebook... yep. Our first date is something I will never ever forget. It was so awkward, one of my favourite memories. I showed up late because I thought it was an elaborate prank and he thought I stood him up. I also forgot my school i.d so we couldn't see the movie he wanted to watch. One of his conversation starters was 'so... do you wear jeans?' I told everyone we knew, I never let him live it down. In the cinema I said 'I'm cold' just so he would put his arms around me hahahaha. We basically spent the whole week after that together.

I was head over heels in love with this boy. I have never in my life felt so strongly about someone before. The only thing I regret about it was letting the relationship consume me. I forgot who I was because I invested all of my time, effort and energy into it. This isn't his fault, that was my choice and my mistake. If I had to go through everything we did again with someone, I would choose him one thousand times over. Above my boyfriend, he was my best friend and I truly appreciate who he was and everything he did for me. He could make me laugh like no one else could and made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the entire universe. I wish I could let him know this now.

We broke up suddenly and over the phone about three or four months ago after three and a half years together. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Along with our issues in the relationship, we stopped growing together and started growing apart. It was inevitable. What tore me up was not the fact that it happened but how. It made me feel so worthless. I couldn't believe the person that called me beautiful at every chance he could get just ended it so coldly. We said we would stay friends but later on he made it obvious that he had no interest in me being a part of his life.

It would be a lie if I said I shrugged it off and calmly made myself a cup of tea. Heck no. I walked out of my room, straight into mum and dad's arms sobbing my heart out.

♥ The first step I took was accepting that it happened. I made myself sick thinking about the what ifs and whys. I figured nothing he could say would really satisfy me so I just accepted it. These things happen. Life goes on. The sky is still the same with or without you.

♥ Burning bridges is necessary to stop yourself from crossing over. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't him I cried over, it was the memories. It was what we were and what we had in the past. It was tough but I had to accept that he wasn't the boy I fell in love with so I needed to let go completely.

♥ Reminders are going to be there no matter what. It's going to feel like the world wants you to suffer. You're going walk in Target with your mum and yes, they are going to play stupid fucking love songs and yes right after you complain about that, Single Ladies will blast from the speakers like a big middle finger to your face. People will ask how he is going. You will accidentally see photos of each other together. People will say things and you'll think of him. Don't be bitter about it. It's okay to be nostalgic and sad. Appreciate what you had in the past and move on. Don't let negative feelings poison you.

♥ Take time for yourself. Be selfish for a little bit. Do what you need to. For me, that was going to the salon and getting my hair and nails done, spending my $200 giftcard from work for casual employee of the year on makeup, spending more money on makeup, buying my first car. It was also being kind and taking care of myself. You need you more than ever. Put all of the time, energy, money, effort and love you had for the relationship back into you. You deserve it.

This is what recently single looks like

♥ Surround yourself with positive people and thoughts. As soon as I thought something negative I would punch that thought right in the throat. Nope, not today brain. I deserve to be happy.

♥ It is okay to be sad but don't convince yourself that this is the end of the world. It truly isn't. You have so much more to look forward to in every aspect of your life. Breathe. One thought that makes my worries feel so insignificant in comparison is the fact that we have only explored 5 percent of the ocean. It's the same thought I use to justify buying more makeup.

♥ You do not need another person to function. You are not incomplete. You are not unworthy. You are your own person with your own ambitions and goals and loves and fears and everything, live for yourself. If you happen to find someone who you want in your life and maybe for the rest of your life then that is amazing! Don't lose who you are.

♥ I listened to Cell Block Tango a lot to ease my anger and frustration hahaha!

The best thing I did was taking this experience as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. From this, I have discovered exactly what I feel I need from a relationship and I have learnt from my own shitty mistakes. I surprised myself (and everyone else in my life apparently... which says a lot about me) with how strong I truly am. I have never felt more content in myself than I have these past few months. Self discovery and growing up and learning and experiencing things although daunting is so cool. I'm not the most positive person on the planet but I do believe you should make the most of everything, good or bad. I've never looked forward to coming into my 20s until just recently. Yay life.

This was written super quickly because I just needed it off my chest, so if I have missed anything you wanted to know or whatever, just ask.

♥♥♥ Courtney

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

♥ Got Milk? ♥


NYX cosmetics were brought to Target Australia earlier this year and naturally everyone went a bit nuts because it's something we previously didn't have easy access too. I was a bit late to the bandwagon because a) I am lazy, b) I knew that the stands would be attacked, c) lazy. However, there was one product I wanted more than anything. Yes, it was the Jumbo Eye Pencil. Oh, not just ANY Jumbo Eye Pencil. The Milk Jumbo Eye Pencil. Why? You may ask... WHY? I wanted it for a white matte base underneath my beloved Sugarpill eyeshadows. "Why couldn't you just get their white eye primer?" Shut your filthy mouth. Of course I could have gotten that but what famous beauty guru uses that? None that I have watched. Admittedly it was more about the novelty of owning the pencil. I'm all about novelty. Practicality is my second priority.

Every damn time that I went into my local Target, they had literally everything but the milk pencil. I tested the white eye primer but it didn't satisfy my thirst for that milk. It took all of my strength to refrain from headbutting a staff member on what felt like my 1000th unsuccessful visit. I wasn't sure if it was because it was such a popular product or because Target were pathetic at restocking the stands, or both. Whatever it was, I was still determined to get my chubby lil hands on a milk pencil. I was suffering some serious NYX calcium deficiency.

                               
Even the tester was missing. The struggle is real.
If you're from Shannon's beauty group, you'll probably remember the day that I finally got possession of the NYX milk pencil. I posted there straight away when I FINALLY got it. Here is that infamous post:

* MILK I N T E N S I F I E S *

"Today I slinked my way through Target, stealthily and discreetly screaming as I tumbled and army crawled through the store, jumping from clothes rack to clothes rack. I set my eyes on the small, disappointing NYX stand. I emerged from a sales rack with black underwear on my head as a makeshift balaclava. As I slowly start to shimmy over to the stand, the sky breaks open and an angelic light shines on the last milk pencil. Can this be true¿¿¿ My thoughts are distracted as my song comes on and I instinctively do the vogue and twerk simultaneously. Through my sick, totally coordinated dance moves to The B52’s Love Shack, I realise it was a ploy from the government to stop me from getting the most sought after milk pencil. I ran to the stand and throat kicked everyone out of my way. Not today, Abbott. Not today.

I finally have a base to make my coloured eyeshadow looks better!!!"

SO here is my review on the milk pencil:
♥ It is an okay base, I found it creased after 20 mins of wearing it (all over my lid), I didn't use an excessive amount either
♥ My oily lids melt it off after a few hours of wear anyway, so it's not super long lasting
♥ It helped intensify the eyeshadows a tad
♥ I find it relatively simple to use and blendable
♥ Amazing for using on lower water line (shown in my current display pic on the right)
♥ Handy product to have I think!
♥ Doesn't come with a sharpener tho

I do use it daily on my inner corner to the middle of my lid to open up my eyes. I set it with a white matte eyeshadow and use a matte brown in my crease like this -


                                         


I give it a 5/10, very average product, not worth throat kicking people for. SO I was thinking, do you ever see those posts where people use a product for things you would have never ever thought of? Surely this had more uses, right? For you, my lovely readers, I had to experiment. I had to discover more for this post, for you. So I did. You can thank me later.

Go from basic bitch to Kim K look-a-like with this
extreme highlight. Out shine all those basics.
(This hurt my face?? The stuff I do for you.)
Oh shit! Marker on your fav white top!
Have no fear, milk pencil is here.
Good as new. Totally unnoticeable.

White out!! No one will ever know that you can't spell.
You can't write over it though.
SO um...
Just... learn to spell.
                                     
Oil pulling what? Get those perf pearly whites with NYX milk pencil.
P.S it doesn't taste like milk.
Please don't do this.
Be smrter than me.
Learn from my mistakes.
                                   
So tomorrow I have my group interview for my favourite ever makeup store and I am literally drowning in my own nervous sweat. I'm going to act confident as heck, I hope they won't smell the confidence juice on me (alcohol) just kidding!!! When I'm nervous liquids have a better chance of leaving my mouth than entering it. I may post my look for the interview and how I think I went and all that jazz, maybe!! Please send your positive vibes for me, I am truly awful at interviews.

♥♥♥ Courtney
                                     

♥ She Curled Up & Dyed ♥

I have been colouring my hair since I was a youngin'(er... younger). Mumma would buy me those wash-out-in-8-to-10-washes-or-even-just-1-because-they-can-be-pretty-shit temporary dyes. I usually stuck to blacks, browns and reds because I was a basic bitch... and because the school I went to had hair colour rules. Like you can't learn with bright hair colours, right? False. I didn't learn anything anyway. I have always wanted to have orange hair but literally everyone said or implied that it wouldn't look good. Oh? OH? So at the beginning of this year I took the plunge and did what any self respecting woman would do - whatever the fuck she wanted.

It all began in a blistering hot as fuck January day when I lightened my brown hair with a prepackaged lightener thing. It went an nice auburn colour.
Those slug brows tho, cute.
It wasn't enough. I wanted more. My heart desired a super bright orange to blind anyone who dare look my way. I was determined to make it happen. So it did.
Bitches get shit done.
Orange is one of my favourite colours on me and if I ever have to go back to a "natural" looking colour, orange will probably be it. It made me happy.
Chubby gnomes walk among us.
Then I accidentally dyed it red with a supposedly orange Manic Panic colour. For while I went between orange and red. So. Boring.
Fuck you, Manic Panic.
YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES.
I have been wanting pink for a while now and I decided, fuck it! Let's do this shit.
The photo does no justice, it was FLURO pink.
It was crazy super frickin' bright. I'm pretty sure I literally damaged some people's eyesight. GOOD. So I had pink for a while. Pink was fun.
Aw, a few days after my break up. Sad lil baby.
It ok bae. Shopping eases the pain.
Then I attempted to brighten it up with a pink dye found in Woolworths with the cute comic book packaging. It went red. Of course. OF COURSE. I was so pissed. I made it werk tho.
I was playing with my new makeup stuff
from the Pro Makeup & Beauty show.
Shut up.
Looking at those photos I reminded myself that wow, I have a massive forehead. I was seriously considering hiring it out as a walking billboard. I didn't get out much so it defeated the purpose. It was time for bangs to come back. And PAAAAAAAANNNNKKK.
BANG bangs.
I kept pink for a decent amount of time. Pink is one of my favourite colours. It's just so damn cute.
Shopping with my $200 giftcard from work
for being casual employee of the year.
#bossassbitch
Of course, I got bored with pink and decided to try purple because I know it looks good with my skin tone and eye colour. It is actually one of my least favourite colours probably because mum painted mine and my sister's room a light purple and we had absolutely no say (black was our choice, clearly). It was a truly traumatic experience. I am left with a sour purple taste in my mouth.
Lumpy Space Princess realness.
I was soooo conflicted with the hair colour because I liked it but I didn't but I did and I almost imploded.
It did look prettier in photos!
Same tho tbh...
I decided to try and fix it myself with Manic Panic's Ultra Violet. Yep. Of course. I don't know why I used that brand again after my first mishap. (Yeah Manic Panic it's you, not me!) I don't know why I do anything at all. Why do I things?? WHat????
Idiot girl ruins day once again.
Still looks fabulous.
I missed the back off my head and had a weird light purple blonde patch so for a week I had it up in a bun. My anaconda don't want none unless you've got your shitty patchy hair in a bun, hun.
My face says it all.
So I made an appointed with my salon. I decided that I needed something different...
So I became THE BATMAN.
My parents are dead.
Bats.
I walked out of the salon feeling fresh and new and ready be the hero Gotham deserves... but not the one it needs right now.
                                    

Basically, I feel more myself with coloured hair (even if I have a hard time deciding what colour!!). When I had super long brown hair I felt so uncomfortable and boring but people kept telling me how 'long hair is better'. I felt obligated to keep it and that sucked. So now I rock a short bob! It makes me sad when people say 'I wish I could do that' or 'I wish I could suit that'. Well, you can. What's stopping you? In this case, it's just hair! You can 'suit' anything if you want to wear it, just have confidence. Put on your crown and behead any peasant who thinks you should look how they want you to. WERK.
Cute 2011 baby Courtney who had little to no
self confidence and didn't realise how much
of her own love she deserved.
If only I could meet her now!
I have to admit, those were the best pig tails of my life!

Thank you for reading this boring hair colour timeline thing? What will I have next?!?! Who knows. Stay tuned to find out.

♥♥♥ Courtney

(Please feel free to suggest posts for the future!)

Sunday, September 14, 2014

*sassy hair flip*

Courtney Beth has been dubbed as '#1 Everything Beauty Related member' by Shannon herself. She has been described as being 'funny but still knowing her shit' and 'short overweight crazy cat lady with no real life ambitions and a talent for ruining things'.

She rose from the depths of hell on the 5th of October, 1994. From the outside, she has lived a mundane average suburban life. It's true... from the inside, upside, downside and from every other damn side. However, her weird imagination, humour and melodramatic attitude makes it all entertaining... for herself. She can be seen regularly laughing at her own jokes.

Courtney is your average 19 yr old introvert who has a love for makeup, cats, cute stuff and sushi. Her hobbies include spending hours in front of the mirror applying makeup, crying, being a sassy bitch, sobbing over missing Mac x Marge makeup collection, holding onto her teen angst, blaming Tony Abbott for everything, rejecting adulthood, keeping away from other human beans and talking in third person.

Yeah, Mr White! Yeah, blogging bitch!
This blog has been created due to popular demand! I'm not entirely sure where this is going, if it will even go anywhere tbh!! My last blog had one post before I gave up... hashtag dedication.

I guess this will be a personal blog with beauty stuff like makeup of the days, reviews, shenanigans, life stuff, advice, things, all that jazz like shoobop sha wadda wadda yippity boom de boom, you know? You get me. You understand me.

Pleeeeaaaaaassssseeee give me suggestions on what I should post!! Until next time... you stay classy, San Diego.

♥♥♥ Courtney